


For what are you waiting?

by JohnHHolliday (Methleigh)



Category: 19th Century US RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-21
Updated: 2012-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-05 17:51:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Methleigh/pseuds/JohnHHolliday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What indeed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	For what are you waiting?

For what does one wait, in the absence of hope? Death? Many have said that of me - that I was waiting to die. Nevertheless, that is not so. My life is as much to me as any man's is to him. I have given it up, for I could die any day. But that is with sorrow. I do not wait for it. and what else is left? I do not wait for Mattie, though she waited for me so very long. I do not wait to start a dental practice with Hub, though he still waits for me. I do not wait for Wyatt, he is gone and I can only haunt him, if I can keep control of my... my what? Selfishness? I do not wait to become anything - I am all I shall ever be. It is almost as if time had stopped. I do not wait for my practice of cards and guns to improve to miracle any more. They are as well as they shall ever become and I only try to hold onto what I have as I become more ill. Some would say they are miracle, but I see the tiny things that could improve.

I wait for Heaven. To see my mama and Morgan, and in their time Mattie and Wyatt and Hub and all the others - friends and the relatives who have been close and who have cared for me. When I shall not be ill and there will be no fighting and struggle, but when I can share with them all we have managed to become and we shall be with God.

And in the time that passes day by day, I wait to be needed. I wait to do my best, rather than to simply exist. I wait for the moment when I can help protect the Good, or at least the innocent. I wait for chance to make the future a place of which I can approve. I wait for chances to help and encourage children come to be more than those around them. I wait for anomaly and difference at which I can throw myself - to leave a legacy of action that, if it is not known, will at least be felt.


End file.
